Mar 5, 2017

The grieving process.

Someone I know is going through what could easily be described as one of the most horrendous things a person can endure directing the care of someone dear and watching them make slow progress to death.

It once again proves the point that as advanced as we may think medicine is, it still has a long, long way to go. That’s a big problem too these days because medicine (and doctors) know JUST enough to keep you going.

What do I mean you may ask? Well, when the people of my grandparents generation came to their ends, basically they lived their lives and then one day they stopped. They stopped in that they had something happen to them physically and their life was over. There was no trip to the hospital, no back and forth, no entry into a nursing home, no in and out of intensive care. They just died.

My grandfather who I miss dearly to this day died in a day. I was over my grandparents house sitting in bed with my grandfather while my grandmother made us espresso (I cannot tell you what a treat this was for very young me and how much I fondly remember this) when he started coughing. He kept coughing and coughing and you may not believe me but somehow I knew that was it. The cough came from deep inside of him, a deep fleshy sound, not violent but all the same one that you could tell racked his body and shortly after it had started he was bought to the hospital and died in the wee hours of the morning of the next day.

But, he died relatively quickly as did others of his generation.

Now what happens is that a person will have a major life altering event after which while they will continue to live they will endure a slow decline to the point of their death. Sometimes, this is a form of torture, especially in an instance where the person in question can’t make the decision for themselves.

It’s one reason why it is vitally important to have a living will, a health proxy and a DNR all set up BEFORE THAT MOMENT ARRIVES.

The person I know currently is just holding on to their loved one but I have to wonder if it wouldn’t have been better and more humane to let go months ago. You can’t say anything because they are so determined the patient will get better but ask yourself this... you can’t get many things fixed properly in this world, whether it’s your TV or your car and the human body is a far more complicated machine for which we don’t have any sort of manual.

They do not simply hook you up and miraculously there is a readout of what is wrong with you, rather given current medical knowledge they look at the clues and try to solve a mystery which if they can solve it correctly will bring you back to health (or it may not).

Also, I know having been down this road myself people have expectations that are entirely out of whack.

Case in point, you go to work... some days you are tired, some days you are burnt out, some days you are just trying to coast through the day. Some of your fellow employees are lazy. Some are just plain bad at their job.

Now, how is it that anyone can walk into a hospital and expect that workplace to be any different from countless others?

Once again though I am in a very circular way getting to a point. You think you know what you want them to do when something happens? You think what they should do and what will improve your chances? Maybe you should heed the advice of the people who are on the front lines and who know best because of the choices that they would make for themselves, namely doctors. Take a look at this:


Preferences of physician-participants for treatment given a scenario of irreversible brain injury without terminal illness. Percentage of physicians shown on the vertical axis. For cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), surgery, and invasive diagnostic testing, no choice for a trial of treatment was given. Data from the Johns Hopkins Precursors Study, 1998. Courtesy of Joseph Gallo, "Life-Sustaining Treatments: What Do Physicians Want and Do They Express Their Wishes to Others?"


And while you’re at it - take the time to go and listen to this RadioLab episode The Bitter End:


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